In today's language, “killer” can mean really good (killer idea! Yay!) or really bad (well, that kills that great idea). Good communication, however, isn’t just a great idea…it’s necessary in order to maintain relationships. No wonder the Bible has so much to…communicate…about communication. Here is just a small sample:
Poor communication can cause a myriad of difficulties. When poor communication, whether expressed through misunderstandings, arguments, sarcasm, deceitfulness, etc., leads to a complete break-down in communication – one or both parties will no longer communicate at ALL – you’ve got a real mess. How can a relationship possibly be mended under such circumstances?
Recently I attempted to communicate with a fellow believer face to face. Some things are just better talked about in person; it's difficult to convey your heart via email –tone of voice, a certain look in the eyes, body language – all of these are vital to getting a complete “read” of a situation. Instead of an appointment, however, messages were sent back and forth…more communication about the lack of communication which ultimately communicated a decision to end communication!
Although there was disappointment involved, there was also a “freeing up.” I’d done what I could do, what the Lord had led me to do, in terms of waiting, reaching out, praying, trying to keep lines open. It isn’t the only relationship in which this has happened – people have free wills. If they don’t want to talk, they don’t have to. Sometimes, as my son says, you just have to say, “Forget it” (or words to that effect). Back off. Let the Lord work without your “help.” It’s not all about you – he may be trying to do something in the other person’s heart that, for the time being anyway, a relationship with you hinders.
My granddaughter has stopped me short on more than one occasion by asking if I meant something, or if I’m just being sarcastic. Sarcasm has its place – there are instances in the Bible when God himself is sarcastic – but it can also be hurtful, which is decidedly out of place.
Proverbs tells us that “life and death are in the power of the tongue” (18:21). Is what I’m saying bringing life to the hearer? Life to a conversation or relationship? Life to myself? If not, I need to remind myself that I am actually speaking death. How many children wouldn’t bear scars, how many marriages might be saved, how many friendships could be mended, how many political messes solved, if we would all speak life, rather than death. No more gossip or insults, no more put-downs or lies, no more ridicule or deception.
Philippians 4:8 is sort of the “end all” verse to godly thought, and since what comes out of our mouths starts in the brain, it certainly applies to our speech:
We don’t have to be great orators or writers to learn to communicate clearly and positively. We do have to want to. We do have to make it a priority. Sometimes we might be tempted to excuse poor communication skills with “well, that’s just who I am” or excuse others because that’s “just their personality.” We can be certain, however, that the biblical mandates for godly communication apply to everyon who looks to the Bible for instruction and guidance.
Someone has said that you can get along with anyone on the face of the earth if you’re humble enough. A little humility is often key to good “killer” communication. Without it, negativity is all too ready to take over….and kill the relationship altogether.
Permission to use with acknowledgement of source.
“Just say a simple, 'Yes, I will,' or 'No, I won't.' Anything beyond this is from the evil one”
(Matthew 5:37).
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6).
“Instead, by speaking the truth in love, we will grow up completely and become one with the head, that is, one with the Messiah” (Ephesians 4:15).
“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery
hell” (Matthew 5:22 ).
“But now you also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth” (Colossians 3:8).
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”(Ephesians 4:29).
Poor communication can cause a myriad of difficulties. When poor communication, whether expressed through misunderstandings, arguments, sarcasm, deceitfulness, etc., leads to a complete break-down in communication – one or both parties will no longer communicate at ALL – you’ve got a real mess. How can a relationship possibly be mended under such circumstances?
Recently I attempted to communicate with a fellow believer face to face. Some things are just better talked about in person; it's difficult to convey your heart via email –tone of voice, a certain look in the eyes, body language – all of these are vital to getting a complete “read” of a situation. Instead of an appointment, however, messages were sent back and forth…more communication about the lack of communication which ultimately communicated a decision to end communication!
Although there was disappointment involved, there was also a “freeing up.” I’d done what I could do, what the Lord had led me to do, in terms of waiting, reaching out, praying, trying to keep lines open. It isn’t the only relationship in which this has happened – people have free wills. If they don’t want to talk, they don’t have to. Sometimes, as my son says, you just have to say, “Forget it” (or words to that effect). Back off. Let the Lord work without your “help.” It’s not all about you – he may be trying to do something in the other person’s heart that, for the time being anyway, a relationship with you hinders.
My granddaughter has stopped me short on more than one occasion by asking if I meant something, or if I’m just being sarcastic. Sarcasm has its place – there are instances in the Bible when God himself is sarcastic – but it can also be hurtful, which is decidedly out of place.
Proverbs tells us that “life and death are in the power of the tongue” (18:21). Is what I’m saying bringing life to the hearer? Life to a conversation or relationship? Life to myself? If not, I need to remind myself that I am actually speaking death. How many children wouldn’t bear scars, how many marriages might be saved, how many friendships could be mended, how many political messes solved, if we would all speak life, rather than death. No more gossip or insults, no more put-downs or lies, no more ridicule or deception.
Philippians 4:8 is sort of the “end all” verse to godly thought, and since what comes out of our mouths starts in the brain, it certainly applies to our speech:
“Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence or if
anything worthy of praise, let you mind dwell on these things.”
We don’t have to be great orators or writers to learn to communicate clearly and positively. We do have to want to. We do have to make it a priority. Sometimes we might be tempted to excuse poor communication skills with “well, that’s just who I am” or excuse others because that’s “just their personality.” We can be certain, however, that the biblical mandates for godly communication apply to everyon who looks to the Bible for instruction and guidance.
Someone has said that you can get along with anyone on the face of the earth if you’re humble enough. A little humility is often key to good “killer” communication. Without it, negativity is all too ready to take over….and kill the relationship altogether.
Permission to use with acknowledgement of source.
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