June 2, 2008

Christians just want to help. After all, Jesus told us to love one another (John 13:34)—isn’t helping people the loving thing to do?

Not necessarily.

Most of us are familiar with the term “enabler,” one who prevents someone from facing personal demons and making significant life changes. We can become financial enablers by “helping” others avoid responsibility.

How do we avoid the trap? Simple—obey the word of God, which teaches that everything belongs to him (Job 41:11), while we are merely stewards (Luke 12:42-48). We are expected to use wisdom with the money God allows us to govern (Proverbs 21:20).

I’ve heard of borrowers who decided that loans were “gifts,” therefore not liable for repayment. Of folks who got stuck with buying out leased vehicles for those who didn’t properly care for them, because they had co-signed. Friends who loaned credit cards for others to purchase items they eventually sold…without paying back the loan! It makes matters even more difficult when loved ones or family members are involved…the very ones we’re most likely to help.

Unfortunately, I can offer the perfect cautionary tale. In 2006, a collections agency informed me of an outstanding bill with a utilities company in Florida! Surely it was a mistake. Yes…mine.
Years before, when we owned a rental house in Florida, I “helped” tenants by putting the utilities account in my name because they couldn’t afford the deposit required for new customers. I already had an account in good standing; no money was required—what was the harm?

Too bad I didn’t consult King Solomon before acting. He wrote that putting up money for someone else is foolish (Proverbs 11:15). Eventually we sold the house, and the tenants moved on…leaving an outstanding bill. When I contacted them, asking that they straighten it out with the collections agency, I got an earful of rage and cursing.

A relationship was seriously, possibly irreparably, damaged. Our bank account was depleted—the money was owed, after all; my name was on the account. As painful as the situation continues to be, from the Big Picture standpoint, it is also rich with opportunities to learn a few Life Lessons:

Pay attention to red flags. From the beginning, my husband was opposed to renting to the couple because he felt it would be a problem for them financially. I wanted them there so badly I “made it happen” instead of submitting to his wisdom. (Just one of several red flags I chose to ignore in my zeal to “help.”)

There are reasons why lenders ask for co-signers and companies require deposits. If someone hasn’t established a record of responsibility, be very cautious about yoking yourself to his or her financial wagon. Look for alternatives-- things would have been better off in the long run had I given our tenants the deposit money. (Better still if I had listened to my husband!)

Not every want is a need. If people have to take a measure of responsibility for their own provisions, their needs list may shorten drastically. On top of that, not every legitimate “need” is one you or I should necessarily meet. We may be asked to make a loan and the Lord will say to give a gift. We may be asked to give a gift, and the Lord will say no. Emotion shouldn’t cloud our judgment—even…especially… when fellow believers, close friends, or family members are involved.

Dependence on the Word and the guidance of the Holy Spirit is key in the matter of financial assistance. As it is in all areas, for that matter. We can’t possibly know what God is trying to accomplish in and through each life and situation. When we lack wisdom, all we need to do is ask in faith (James 1:5).

I failed in many ways, but I’ve come to realize that my first mistake was wanting to be perceived as a loving person (ouch) instead of being committed to a true and honest expression of showing God’s love. As a result, I actually hindered his purposes.

Which wasn’t helpful at all.

Ellen Gillette may be reached by e-mail: ellenofgillette1@aol.com. Views expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of other individuals or corporate bodies associated with Crossroads Church or the Baptist denomination, but King Solomon would, I think, agree.