October 5, 2009 Reexamining the Real Questions

We get hung up on the questions of life, but sometimes we're not asking the right ones.

We get hung up on “when”. When I finally get married…when I get that promotion…when we get out of debt…when I get a little R&R…when the kids are grown…when I graduate…when I can drive…when I retire…when we get back from vacation…when we get a new pastor…when my spouse changes…when my friend calls to apologize…when, when, when.

We wait for something else to happen, for others to act, for God to change those around us or for God to change our circumstances, or even for God to change us.

But it’s not about when, it’s about where. Not timing, but geography:

“If we walk IN THE LIGHT as he himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin” (1 John 1:7, NRSV).
“I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide IN ME and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing: (John 15: 5, NRSV).
"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge IN HIM” (2 Samuel 22:31, NIV).

Not when, but where.

We get hung up on ”how.” How is this ever going to work out? How will we ever make it through this? How can I face that person again? How can I be sure this is the right thing to do? How will I be able to live, after this? How, how, how. But it’s not about how, it’s about who. Not by what means shall something be accomplished, but by whom it will be accomplished:

“For from HIM and through HIM and to HIM are all things. To HIM be the glory forever! Amen.” (Romans 11:36, NIV)
“HE who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6, NIV).
“And God said unto Moses, ‘I AM THAT I AM’: and he said, ‘Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you’” (Exodus 3:14, KJV).

We try to figure it all out ahead of time. We try to see further down the road than we have light for. We want to know the answers now, but why? So that we can offer our opinion? Approve the methods and strategies at work? How foolish we are, as if we could possibly know the Best.
It’s not about how, but Who.

And finally, perhaps most often, we get hung up on “why”. Why did this happen? Why did he die? Why can’t my loved one change? Why won’t they understand? Why can’t I let this go? Why can’t I do what I want, for once? Why, why, why.

But it’s not about why. I heard Carmen Leal speak at a Caregivers Conference a few years ago. When her husband was diagnosed with a rare illness and her own life turned upside down, she cried out to God with the inevitable “Why me?” After searching her heart, however, she changed her question to “Why NOT me?”

There is suffering all over the world. Why shouldn’t I have a taste? People are undergoing terrible trials and tribulations at any given moment. Why should I be any different? Whether the trouble comes from my own choices, or from someone else’s choices, or whether it is the hand of God training me for his own purposes, or whether it is an attack from the enemy of my soul…not one of us is exempt:

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body” (2 Corinthians 4:7-10, NIV).
“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18, KJV).
“In the world you face persecution. But take courage; I have conquered the world” (John 16:33, NRSV).

Not why, but why not? We’re in this together, learning, growing, being stretched and challenged, being disciplined and blessed, but we’re in this with “him seated on the throne and…the Lamb…be blessing and honor and glory and might (to them) forever and ever!” (Revelation 5:13, NRSV)

Permission to use with source given.

ellenofgillette1@aol.com

September 21, 2009 The Theater of Life

The community theater with which I am active opened a show this past weekend, which means that last week was, shall we say, verrrrry busy. Late rehearsals every night, changes with the sound system and accompaniment, drama on stage and in the wings. If you’ve never participated in community theater, I highly recommend it, but it is not for the faint, requiring enormous amounts of time and energy and commitment.

Because of my involvement—immersion, really—at this particular time, I was musing on the fairly common analogy of our lives as plays. So much that goes on with theater mirrors the Christian walk. You must be able to trust your fellow actors, for example, that each will learn and know each cue, each line. That your props will be safe, ready for your use. That the sound crew will stay on task. That sets will enhance, not distract from, the production. That the director will do all he or she can to bring out the talents necessary onstage for an excellent performance. I could go on and on. It’s easy to jump from such thoughts to the church, and beyond that, to life in general.

Is God the director in our lives, or merely part of the crew? Are the actors with whom we regularly perform trustworthy, or do we find ourselves constantly covering for their mistakes? Who is our audience—the world? God? The mirror? Our bosses or bank account? Have we studied our lines, laboring over each cue, each nuance, or expected what we should know to miraculously find its way into our little brains with minimal effort?

I came across the following unattributed essay online and found it very thought-provoking, although perhaps in a different direction than its writer intended:
“LIFE IS A THEATER; Invite Your Audience Carefully. Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a DISTANCE. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize your time with, draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of Your Life. ‘If you cannot change the people around you, CHANGE the people you are around.’ Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income. And so we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds. We should not share our dreams with negative people, nor feed our dreams with negative thoughts. It's your choice and your life..... It's up to you who and what you let in it.”

On the surface, that sounds very good, very sensible. We do need to be aware of those around us and their impact on our lives. It goes without saying that some relationships are healthy while others are poisonous—the sooner we rid ourselves of those, the better we will be. But…

On the other hand—not to sound hyper spiritual or cliché—but what did Jesus do? He hung out with the dregs of society whom the Good People of the town considered toxic. He invited a man to live with him for three years, fully cognizant of the fact that the man would betray him. He welcomed people with pasts to his most intimate conversations, never questioning whether he could trust them—knowing, indeed, that he could not.

Jesus “(changed) the people” he was around, but not by banishing them and substituting more appropriate, acceptable, uplifting, encouraging, helpful people in their place. He literally CHANGED them, from the inside out. People came into contact with him and left the better for that contact.

Which leaves me incredibly comforted (to know that Jesus would welcome even someone like me) and also incredibly challenged (to realize that I am much more likely to cut people out of my life who negatively affect it, rather than seek to be a positive influence in their lives). As in all things, there needs to be a balance, but do I err on the side of reaching out to people or pushing them away?

As with most things spiritual, there is a paradox at work. The Bible counsels us to be self-aware, to love our selves first and care for our emotional, physical, and spiritual health. There are valid times for separating ourselves from potentially harmful, even sinful, relationships. But when reading the above quote, I remember Henri Nouwen, who chose to care for a severely retarded man and take a vow of poverty, instead of continuing a life of public speaking and wealth. Or Mother Theresa, who saw Jesus in the eyes of the dying masses of India.

I’m not at their level of spiritual maturity, obviously-- I have trouble loving the people in my own household, at times! But I am “confident of this, that he who began a good work in (me) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6, NIV). I trust my director to get (even my) performance the way he intended. It may take an awful lot of rehearsals, because I often flub my lines or miss my cues, or refuse to even show up, but the show, as they say, must go on. God will see to that. If I remain under his direction.

That much, of course, is completely up to me.

Permission to use, with acknowledgement of the source.

September 7, 2009 Love Unlimited

"God loved his creation so much that he gave his one and only Son over to death- the only way to atone for everyone’s sins with the sacrifice of a perfect man- that whoever will believe in Jesus and trust him with his or her life shall not die in sin (a just punishment) but instead live beyond physical death in eternity with God himself." John 3:16 (paraphrase)

We’ve probably all got our personal lists of despised activities and attitudes, ranging from serious to trivial. When we hear of someone doing something on our lists, we mentally assign appropriate punishments. If I were God, I would….

Years ago in Ft. Pierce, Florida, where we lived at the time, a young boy--only three or four--was murdered by a man who was supposedly taking care of him. The boy eventually died after being sexually assaulted with a household item of some kind—a chair leg, or a hose… I don’t remember. (Some details you don’t want to know.) The little boy’s name was Benjamin. I do remember that.

I also remember thinking that an appropriate sentence for Benjamin’s killer would be assault with an object of similar size-to-age correlation, forcing him to endure exactly what he had forced upon Benjamin. Even then, however, the killer wouldn’t have experienced the sheer terror of betrayal, the toddler-sense of being loved and cherished and safe turning inside out in the instant his babysitter became, right before his eyes, a beast.

Oddly, I’ve never been asked to sit on a jury.

I fear I’m growing less tolerant over time, not more. My grace is so pitifully limited, my love so devastatingly finite. God, on the other hand, has no limits at all to his love, grace, forgiveness, and pardon. “Whoever believes…” the Bible says. “Whoever comes…”

When six-year-old Adam Walsh was taken from a shopping mall in Hollywood, Florida in 1981 and decapitated, I was the mother of two young children. Rocking the baby to sleep one summer night shortly after the tragedy occurred, I remember praying for his family when the Holy Spirit whispered, “Can you pray for the person who murdered him?”

I tried. I’m pretty sure I mouthed the right words, but God, seeing my heart, found no compassion there. Knowing that Jesus had died for the sins of all, that he had died for my own sins… at that moment I wished for there to be limits on God’s goodness. Hell wasn’t just meant for Satan and his angels, surely, but for his agents of pain and suffering such as this criminal.

When my own shortcomings grow into actual wrongdoing…when I do not fall into sin so much as I leap into it…as a child would leap into a pile of dry leaves shouting “Wheeeeee!” is the way my friend Doug Easterday describes it…then I want my heavenly Father’s mercy to know no bounds. When you sin, however, especially when you sin against me!…not so much.

When I began writing this, I intended to discuss one of my pet peeves—people who claim to “be there” for you who clearly are not. The paradox is, of course, that God, who created us all to be in intimate relationship with him, not only has the most people crying out to him in need but also the largest capacity to meet those needs. Through some mysterious, mystical way, impossible for our tiny minds to grasp, he actually is “there for us” at all times, whether we acknowledge his presence, desire it, or push it away with all the anger of a little child being made to be still…until the child tires of struggling, relaxes in the loving yet firm arms, and falls peacefully to sleep. “And lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20, NASV).

Benjamin’s murderer is, as far as I know, still alive. Adam Walsh’s murderer died in prison. One still has time to hear the gospel and believe, if he hasn’t already. It is possible the other cried out to God for mercy before it was too late. We may be very surprised at some of the people we rub shoulders with in heaven.

And some of them may be surprised to see us.



Permission to use with acknowledgement of source.

August 24, 2009 A Delayed Response

Certain events during our lifetimes stand as benchmarks. It is as if our lives are immediately transformed into clear-cut divisions of Before and After; the very people around us undergo a metamorphosis depending on their responses at the time. We may forgive those who failed us at the time, but we can never forget that at the point of our greatest need, they were measured and found wanting.

King David may have had many such circumstances in his passionate, roller-coaster ride of a life, but one comes to mind. In Second Samuel 16, David has fled Jerusalem because his own son, Absalom, has come against him. After he’d allowed personal weakness to pull him in a downward spiral, he had been forewarned by the prophet Nathan that this day would come, and with resignation and pain, he watched it unfold.

As David fled Jerusalem, a relative of David’s predecessor (and father-in-law) Saul…a man by the name of Shimei… taunted him with curses, throwing stones at the troubled king and his party as they passed by. One of David’s chiefs was incensed. “Just say the word,” he cried, “and I’ll have his head.”

But David stopped him (see verses 11-12): “My own son wants me dead! -- how much more this man who blames me for all his problems! Let him alone --maybe God will reward me with something good because he’s cursing me for no reason.”

God was faithful to his promises to David--soon David was again enthroned in Jerusalem. In time, knowing death was imminent he passed his reign on to his son Solomon. A man’s dying words are, historically, given extra weight. One supposes that a man’s last words will be especially important and meaningful, that he has been saving up for that moment all the wisdom he wishes to leave as a legacy. Vital unfinished business may be addressed. Blessings.

David was true to this model, charging Solomon to follow God, but then he got a few matters off his chest. We can imagine that lying there, old and feeble, he had relived significant events over and over in his mind, making note of the good and bad, wanting to make certain there would be, even after his death, appropriate responses. A general had dishonored him, requiring punitive action. Another man had helped him during his worst days and should be rewarded accordingly.

And then there was Shimei…“You know what to do.” David ignored Shimei at the time of the offense, knowing that God was at work, accepting the fact that his own misdeeds had brought trouble upon him. But his memory was long. Shimei’s hatred predated David’s problems with Absalom or his sins. He was Saul’s loyal follower, whether God was with him or not. David’s troubles had merely given him a public arena in which to vent his anger, an excuse to cast stones and hurl insults. Compared to Absalom, Shimei was small potatoes…but David remembered.

We all have benchmarks, or will eventually. No one is exempt from trials and tribulation. It is important that we respond in godly ways to those who are undergoing their own difficulties, that we not add to their pain by thoughtlessness or actual hurtfulness. It is equally important that in the midst of extreme circumstances, we find room for forgiveness for those who let us down.

I remember one such situation in my own life. At my very lowest, broken and bent to the ground, I made an easy target for the sharp-edged stones that came flying at me from directions I would never have dreamed possible. Vicious insults were spoken to my face and behind my back. I still remember them and the seering pain they caused, remember feeling as if all the air had left the room. I could hardly breathe, much less speak and confront coherently.

Have I forgiven, as Jesus commanded us to forgive? Sometimes I think I have…and perhaps at that moment, I have forgiven as much as I am able to at that moment. With one person in particular, reconciliation and restoration appear to be a real possibility. And then God peels back another layer and I realize it’s still a work in process. Just as I am a work in process. I can only cry out for grace and strength and pray that those I have hurt…the targets of my own stones…will cry out for grace to forgive me.

ellenofgillette1@aol.com

August 10, 2009 It's All in the Way You Look at Things

Philip Parker is a wonderfully whimsical poet whose delightful performances for children are just as enjoyable for the adults who take them. His poem “An Utterly Ugly Day” goes like this (I've indicated his pronunciation):

What an utterly ‘ug-a-ly’ day!
Mr. Sun … will you please go away?
I’m a frog , and I’m mad On my hot lily pad ,
‘Cause you’re burning my toes with your rays !

What an utterly ‘ug-al-y’ day!
Mr. Sun … come back some other day!
I like wetness and soggy –You’re toasting my body
And burning my toes with your rays !

What an utterly ‘ug-al-y’ day!
Wait a minute; I’m covered in shade …
From that dark cloud above – Hey! It’s raining a flood!
What a wet… clammy…icky…sticky…slippy…drippy…slimy…sloppy… soggy… boggy…
beautiful day!

To you or me, a rainy day may not hold the same appeal (unless we’ve got an empty house and a good book to enjoy) but to a frog, it’s the best! In the same way, because we are all different and have different needs and desires, what’s a blessing to you may or may not be a blessing to me. We have to allow room for such differences without judging issues that, in the eternal scope of things, don’t amount to the proverbial hill of beans.

We get into trouble—and Christians are especially prone to this, I’m afraid—when we hear the Lord guiding us into one direction and take it one step…one giant leap…further. If God wants me to do this, or stop doing that, he must want everyone to, right? Not necessarily.

Some things are absolutes. Jesus is the Messiah, the Christ, the only begotten son of the Father who lived a sinless life, offered himself as the ultimate sacrifice for the sin (and sins) of humankind once and for all so that we might have an open door back to fellowship with God, rose from the dead, ascended into heaven, and will return again for his Bride, the Church. What he looked like, how he might dress in the 21st century, and whether or not he prefers hymns or choruses…these are peripheral things unworthy of argument or even much discussion, unless it’s very late at night and you’re sitting around with roommates munching on cold pizza.

Just before a storm comes, there’s often a wonderful feel of the air, in the smell of it. Something cool and delicious passes through, signaling change. Whether you welcome the change or not is a matter of your own preferences, but you can’t argue with the fact that something is about to happen. You can’t stop it, either.

Down through history, learned scholars who should have known better have argued about how many angels will fit on the head of a pin and other nonsense. Sacrificing truth for detail, such people still get so hung up, like Philip’s grumbling frog, on the temperature, that they are prone to miss the change in the weather. Sometimes they find a hole in the ground to hide in from the hot climate they want to escape, and end up missing the coolness of the rain that has come altogether.

We interpret the weather in different ways, but we can’t stop it. We have a choice to make when the wind turns—do we welcome it? Are we prepared for it? Can we see its beauty even if we’d rather have a cloudless afternoon? Some things never change—Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever, the Bible tells us in Hebrews 13—but very much in the world, in the Church, in our own lives will be in a constant state of flux. Our heart will determine our response.

ellenofgillette1@aol.com

For more poems by Philip Parker, contact him at philipparker@atmc.net.

July 27, 2009 Dependence on God vs. Codependence with People

There is something within us that fights to maintain control, and it isn’t completely due to the sin nature with which we are born. God bestows on each person a free will, as sovereign as the law of gravity and about as likely to be divinely overruled. It’s an amazing thing, really—the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, who must restrain his own power so a simple “hello” doesn’t blow me to smithereens, bows to my will and waits patiently for me to submit. He never manipulates, pulls on heartstrings, pushes, prods, or deceives in order to get me to come around to his way of doing it.

For that very reason, Paul urged us to offer ourselves to God:

"Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness" (Romans 6:13).

If we don’t come freely, there’s no point in coming at all. That’s the problem with coercing, forcing, or manipulating people to church “for their own good.” On the other hand, the problem with living sacrifices is that we keep crawling down off the altar! We want to live for God. Then we don’t. Then we do. Then we don’t, mirroring Paul’s quandary in Romans 7.

Controlling people isn’t in a Christian’s job description, but we try to do it nevertheless. Many people, to a certain extent, fall into what Carmen Renee Berry calls the “Messiah Trap” in her book When Helping You Is Hurting Me. We want something done, it depends on us to get it done, and therefore it doesn’t matter whose strings we have to pull in order to make it happen.

Churches are a natural draw for people who, whether consciously or not, seek positions of control. Think about our vocabulary: lord, serve, worship, submit, obey, commandments. For those with a weakness in this area, it is easy to lose sight of whom we are to obey—“God, rather than men” (Acts 5:29b).

As a teenager, I submitted to the spiritual authority of a man who had achieved master manipulator status. Blinded to all but his charisma, charm, and ability to convince me of just about anything, you can well imagine the trouble that resulted from this equation: carnal man with power + impressionable young woman = deception, sin, devastation, guilt, anger.

Perhaps because of that, my antennae are usually very sensitive to manipulation. If I get a whiff of someone trying to pull my strings, I invariably start backing away. But if I’m in a state of spiritual weakness…if my emotional tank is dry…if I’m looking to others to meet my needs rather than to my heavenly Father…I’m still in danger.

But I would have stood anyone down who said I was, in fact, codependent—that psychospeak, vague term that we bandy about when talking about, for the most part, addictions. An alcoholic husband has his own problems, but the wife can easily become another when she lies to cover his lies, makes excuses, hides his abuse of her. That kind of weakness did not…absolutely did not…resemble me.

Sure, I let people use me…aren’t we called to serve? No, I didn’t always regard my own needs as valid…wouldn’t that be selfish?

And then I “just happened” to pick up a copy of Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie, and begin reading. Just the preface convicted me! I saw, like the proverbial light bulb going off over my head, that I had allowed the problems of others—that minister’s lust and control issues, a friend’s anger, a family member’s addiction to pain medications—to control my behavior and responses. My codependency actually fueled the fire. With the family member especially, my attempts to “help” were doing anything but.

Slowly, I’m learning to detach myself from things that are not mine to control, allowing others to fail at times so that they learn to depend to God and not Ellen, realizing that if I’ve sincerely asked someone to forgive me for wrongdoing it isn’t my problem if they choose to withhold forgiveness, feeling free to say “no” whether it hurts someone’s feelings or not. A natural people-pleaser, I’m learning to instead focus on pleasing God—and one thing that pleases him is for me to control my own life under the direction of the Holy Spirit, and neither hold others responsible for my happiness, nor withhold accountability from them when they are hurtful.

We are to offer ourselves to God, not to every person or need or request that comes our way.

July 10, 2009 Lovers or Prostitutes?

The following is an excerpt from an article written by Dr. David Ryser:
A number of years ago, I had the privilege of teaching at a school of ministry. My students were hungry for God, and I was constantly searching for ways to challenge them to fall more in love with Jesus and to become voices for revival in the Church. I came across a quote attributed most often to Rev. Sam Pascoe. It is a short version of the history of Christianity, and it goes like this: Christianity started in Palestine as a fellowship; it moved to Greece and became a philosophy; it moved to Italy and became an institution; it moved to Europe and became a culture; it came to America and became an enterprise. Some of the students were only 18 or 19 years old…and I wanted them to understand and appreciate the import of the last line, so I clarified it by adding, "An enterprise. That's a business." After a few moments Martha, the youngest student in the class, raised her hand. I could not imagine what her question might be. I thought the little vignette was self-explanatory, and that I had performed it brilliantly. Nevertheless, I acknowledged Martha's raised hand, "Yes, Martha." She asked such a simple question, "A business? But isn't it supposed to be a body?" I could not envision where this line of questioning was going, and the only response I could think of was, "Yes." She continued, "But when a body becomes a business, isn't that a prostitute?"

Ryser goes on to say that the class was stunned into silence by the concept Martha introduced because ultimately, the answer to her question is “yes.” Ryser continued to mull it over in the coming weeks and began thinking about the differences in lovers and prostitutes. “Both do many of the same things, but a lover does what she does because she loves. A prostitute pretends to love, but only as long as you pay. Then I asked the question, ‘What would happen if God stopped paying me?”

What if?…not that God’s promises are not sure, not that he does not bless us completely and continually because of his awesome love…but let’s be painfully honest with ourselves. Why do we serve him? Do we receive his blessings as from a loving Father for his children, or do we, at some level, perceive them as wages for our service and obedience? Do we really love God, as he commanded, with our whole hearts, souls, minds, and strengths or do we place conditions? Do we feel we deserve this or that because of what we’ve done for him? If you answer this prayer…if you come through for me…if you’ll just forgive me…

Are you ever disappointed with God? I am. He doesn’t always do what I want! If that disappointment and anger affects my relationship with him, however, I’m the one in trouble. In a marriage, a loving couple can handle disappointment and anger and move beyond it—can we move beyond it where God is concerned or do we curl up within ourselves pouting like small children, refusing to worship or relate to his people or serve because we didn’t get our way? When (not if) this happens, we are behaving not as the lovers of God we are called to be, but as common prostitutes. No money, no action.

Ryser points out that “there are no prostitutes in heaven, or in the Kingdom of God, for that matter, but there are plenty of former prostitutes in both places. Take it from a recovering prostitute when I say there is no substitute for unconditional, intimate relationship with God.”

The Church, perhaps particularly in the United States, is in grave danger of turning the Body of Christ into a business. As individuals we need to stay very soft toward the Holy Spirit, listening for his leading and correction, learning to love wholeheartedly and with abandonment regardless of what we see around us. Corporately, we need to be cautious of trendiness, of taking the truth of the Gospel and trying to make it more marketable to the masses. We can be enterprising (i.e. productive, industrious, doing all things for his glory and in excellence) without turning Christianity into an enterprise.

For the entire article by Ryser, go to www.injesus.com and search for Dr. David Ryser or “The Question that Changed My Life.”

ellenofgillette1@aol.com